Eight Words Instead of Six

I’ve been ending one-on-one meetings with members of my team the same way for a long time: “Do you need anything from me?”

It felt like the right question. Open-ended, supportive, putting the ball in their court. I thought I was being a good manager by making space for them to voice their needs. But recently, I started paying attention to what actually happened after I asked it.

Mostly there was uncomfortable silence. Maybe a polite “No, I think I’m good.” Sometimes an occasional request for something trivial. The conversation would wrap up, and we’d both walk away feeling like we’d checked the box on our weekly one-on-one without really accomplishing much.

The problem wasn’t their response—it was my question.

“Do you need anything from me?” puts the burden on them to identify, articulate, and essentially justify their needs. It’s reactive. It assumes they have a clear sense of what I could help with and the confidence to ask for it. But that’s not how most people operate, especially with their manager.

When someone asks if you “need” something, there’s an implicit weight to that word. Need suggests dependency, maybe even weakness. It’s the difference between someone offering you food and asking if you’re hungry. One feels generous; the other feels like you have to admit to a deficit.

So I changed the question: “What’s the most important thing I can help you with this week?”

The shift in responses has been really interesting. Instead of polite deflections, I get real answers.

“I’m stuck on the technical implementation of that new feature and could use your perspective on the trade-offs.”

“I’m not sure how to approach the conversation with marketing about our timeline.”

“I’ve been spinning on the user research findings and need help thinking through what they mean for our roadmap.”

The language change did something I didn’t expect—it changed the entire dynamic of the conversation. Instead of me offering help and them having to admit they need it, I’m positioning myself as their partner who’s actively looking for ways to contribute to their success.

It’s the difference between “Let me know if you need anything” and “How can I help you win?” One is passive availability; the other is active engagement.

This small reframing has made me more aware of how language shapes power dynamics in leadership relationships. When we ask people what they “need,” we’re inadvertently creating a transaction where they have to justify their request. When we ask how we can help with what’s most important to them, we’re creating a partnership. We’re collaborating.

The best part is that it’s changed how I show up as a manager. Instead of waiting for problems to surface, I’m proactively looking for opportunities to add value. Instead of being a resource that gets activated when someone pulls the right lever, I’m engaged in their ongoing success.

It’s such a small change—eight words instead of six. But it’s shifted entire conversations, and honestly, it’s made me a better leader.